The Most Beautiful Sin

Hey Everyone!! 

I shared this testimony before on the Gospel Music Lounge website, but I thought it would be pretty cool to share it with my Gospel Unplugged people too! So, here goes...

Sex. In today’s society, everyone wants it, whether it is its appeal or the physical action, but, who can blame us? When you walk down the street, multiple corporations representing brands for clothing or alcohol, entice us and nonverbally tell us that sex is ok. It’s ok to use your body and sexuality to attain pleasures of the world. It’s ok to wear clothes that seductively show your body because, obviously, that’s what you have to do to get what you want, whether that may be sex or perhaps a higher position in life.

I fell into this trap not too long ago.  In high school I had low self-esteem: I thought I was ugly, fat, and lacked confident in who I was as a person. Though I grew up in church and knew the Word, I still yearned for more, something that could make me feel good; this is when I got caught up in that 3-letter word: S-E-X.

I had my first boyfriend in 9th grade and he made me feel wonderful! He told me all the things I wanted to hear, that I was pretty, beautiful, and most importantly, sexy. So, the day came when he wanted more than just kissing and hugging so, we devised a plan: I was going to meet him at his house to “do it”. The day came and I was scared but ready…but thank the Lord, when the time came I copped out, and as a result he broke up with me.

Leaving that relationship even emptier than before, I was still seeking for more and found it in my junior year of high school. I came into contact with another young man who would soon be “the one”; so I thought. Again, this guy thought I was sexy and without even having to ask, I gave myself to him. It was great! He began telling me how sexy I was and I was satisfied. Sex was giving me a higher self-esteem; after all, you don’t have sex with someone unless they are hot and sexy. I began working out, eating better (though, I never could look good enough for myself- which was a sign), my self-esteem was rising, the sex kept me going. This was my disposition even when I reached to college, and by then there was no way anyone could tell me the person I was with wasn’t going to be my always and forever.

This kept up, but ironically, I always STILL found something wrong with me. The entire time, while knowingly living in sin, my duties in church only increased and my music ministry was beginning to flourish. God knew what he was doing. I came into contact with a drummer and a bass player who I asked to play for my church choir and, through these two young men, a band was formed, Anointed Musicians Movement. This group was the beginning of a major change that God was setting up in my life. In May of 2008 we all went on the Pentecostal Association of North America Youth Retreat.  My church has been part of this organization, but this retreat was the first one I had been on in about 5 years.   The theme was “No limits, No boundaries”. On Saturday that weekend, I was asked to sing the theme song. I had no idea how it went in it’s entirety but I figured, “I’ll just wing it”.

When the time came for me to minister, the Holy Spirit took FULL control.  I began singing like I never had before. People were being delivered, lives were being changed, and God used me in the most amazing way.  Ironically, while ministering the song, I was not only ministering to the many people there, but to myself.  This retreat helped me come to terms with my life.  I had been in denial for years and God used me as a vehicle to speak to me!

After this weekend, I confronted various issues and the first was with my boyfriend who, by then, I had been dating for two years. We were unequally yoked and there was NO WAY God could use me the way he wanted to with him in my life.  I broke off that relationship and my relationship with God increased tremendously.  In addition, God had someone who was perfect for me, who I’m with right now!

Today, I am proud to say that I know who I am in Christ.  I have confidence in the fact that I was made in Christ’s image; that I am wonderfully made and that I don’t need to have sex to feel satisfied with myself.  I have a relationship with Christ that is more fulfilling than anything else I can ask for.

I say all of this to say that, sex, as powerful as it is, is NOT going to fulfill us! As good as it may feel at the moment and despite society’s view of it being necessary, know that this is a lie! Stand strong against temptation, do what the Lord requires of us and wait until marriage, be a light in the midst of darkness, and be positive in who you are in Christ!